My head hurts,
Stop the noise
Please can I have some silence?
I don’t want this chaos

My head hurts
Take away the images
Please can I no longer see?
I don’t want these memories

My head hurts
It won’t stop
The Noise and Images won’t stop
It just streams on and on and on

I said hush!!
But it doesn’t stop
And my head never stops hurting

And I know,
My head hurts because my soul needs someone to talk to
It speaks to my head because my heart won’t listen
My heart has turned its back on me, because I never get it right

Us & Them

By having an “Us” and a “Them”, we create judgment, simply because we create a barrier,

By defining your world, your society or your religion, you create a stereotype. And you separate yourself from the rest of humanity by creating a them. They believe certain things and we believe different, they are different to us.

We all bleed the same color, we all turn to dust, we take nothing with us when we die.

If we continue to box ourselves into a world that we create, we create bigger barriers in the world.

In a generation that are globally connected via technology, we have yet to evolve to the point where we can destroy the labels that we have attached to ourselves.

God created us different, he did not want us to be the same. But why would he want us to judge each other or decide which image he created is better than the next?

I am alive, I am human, and so are you, therefore you have my respect

Clean Slate

I have wiped my slate clean
I do not know who I am
I do not know what to be
I do not care who I should be

We are told to be something
Society boxes us into neat packages called communities
And we rarely escape to open new gifts
We create a reality within the boundaries

Fear governs everything that we are ever thought


I am a puppet
Pull my strings
Make me dance
Move my head
Make me look in the direction that you want

I am your puppet
Close my curtain when you are done
Lay me to rest
Then pick me up when you are ready

I am your puppet
Dress me up
Make a show of me
I know you are my master

I am your puppet
But I wish I could cut my strings
I wish my puppet legs could run
I wish I could move my mouth and speak

I wish I could see beyond this box you keep me in
I am your puppet
Because you own me
I belong to me

But my puppet soul knows there is more

The Plight of the Dark Phoenix

She rose once from the ashes
The fire that consumed her when she searched for love, left her in scorched and empty
Then she found a new love, a greater love, a love that was hers
This love was not a man, this was a love affair with herself

There were boys, there were men
There was one that touched her deep in her soul and whispered: “It’s ok to be as you are”
He was a gift on her journey to becoming
It was never meant to be forever, but the Dark Phoenix knew he would stay in a part of her forever
He enabled her to move forward, he helped her unlock the cage

She has flown, she has been free
But the cage beckoned again
The cage is very sly
It whispers suggestions, it tricks you and makes you think you can rest in it but still fly whenever you like

She rested within the cage,
There is comfort in what you know
But slowly the door is closing
And when one sleeps, they are not aware

She sees the trick now,
She must fly again
But when her wings get tired, where will she rest?

The sisterhood of stretchmark cream

I was pregnant. Yes me, the same girl who has a few sets of Hello Kitty pajama’s.

My friends continue to focus on their careers, and do trendy things that I cannot do while pregnant. There they were frolicking around in smokey places with people who get shit faced and discuss politics and social issues. I was reading baby books and expanding….rapidly.

Unfortunately I was not the basketball mum. You know the type – skinny with a basketball under their top? Maybe I could have been; but I also did not do any preggy bellies and other exercises designed to keep you fit when pregnant.

The thought of exercise made me more tired than I was already was. So as my body and love for chocolate expanded simultaneous, I was naturally become concerned with the most dreaded word in pregnancy.

STRETCHMARKS!!!! (cue scary musical score)

This is why I was canvasing my local pharmacy in search of creams and potions to ward off this evil curse.

Ok maybe it’s not a curse, but let’s face it. Every woman wants to be the smug one saying “I didn’t get any stretchmarks” as she shows off her flawless tummy, and prances around the beach in a bikini.

Society has created the stigma and consumerism had made us believe that we have to buy in to perfection expectation that they have created.

And here I was happily buying into it right now. Oils. Lotions and some herbal potions. I am happily and frantically clocking up a giant bill that will in fact make no difference to my genetic make up. I will only discover this in about 3 months and 5 days. But right now every bottle symbolizes hope and success!

What was really unexpected in my frenzy of magic lotion shopping, is the advice that appears so unexpectedly!

Usually shop assistants have the look of disdain on their faces. Disdain at the store, their job and the human race that frequents this place. Usually you have to approach them with caution and politely request assistance. Whereby they look down at your hopeful face and say something like: aisle 3.

But today my world has opened up!

I may not be “popular” anymore. I was sulking because no one ever invites me out anymore. Just because I am going to say no; doesn’t mean the bitches need to place me in pregnant exile.

But who cares! The mums are talking to me. The pregnant ones. The current mums. Even the ones who have kids with kids! And they are dispensing advise faster than cat videos go viral.

“Use the tissue oil creme AND and the pure tissue oil”

“Swop to a richer body lotion”

“Make sure you soak often”

“Don’t scratch!! What ever you do….never ever ever scratch”

I followed this advise like a religion. Devoted for once to something besides watching TV.

36 weeks in. And not a stretch mark in site. I was so ready to brag.

Then came the waiting for baby to arrive. 40 weeks and the kid was still procrastinating. My stomach was so huge I switched on mentally on went on auto pilot.

My husband however saw the lines appearing. He said nothing of course. He has a good sense of self preservation.

But eventually after 3 days of my labour starting and stopping which landed up in emergency c-section; I met my princess. Life was beautiful.

Until….. I finally saw my body again. There they were – the damn stretchmarks.

After all that time and money!

But somehow it only mattered for a few minutes. And it didn’t matter one bit.

There is life after being sexy and fabulous. There is being sexy and fabulous with some Stretchmarks.

More importantly there is the sisterhood of stretch mark cream. When I see a frantic pregnant woman in the pharmacy,  I give her advise and guidance in the store. And I know that even though it may not work, she will be ok with it. Because she is a mum now, and she is part of a sisterhood that can only be understood by someone who has real compassion for the giant change you entering into.


The silence has descended upon my lips
My mind says much,
My heart says more,
My soul sighs in displeasure

The silence has descended
I tried to talk,
I tried to scream,
But they cannot understand

The silence has descended upon my lips,
I have lost the souls that knew me best,
I do not believe that you should explain to the rest,
Soul connections always understand, when you turn your back, you loose much

I made a human choice,
I acted from a place of fear,
I turned my back on what could have been, to what is “right”
So the silence has descended on my life

The phoenix is dying once again,
But the soul that drives it will always speak through words


The thing about stains is that they a pain to get rid of.

They tend to happen easily though and can cause a lot of frustration. We get really irritated by stains because they ruin our appearance. They ruin the clothes we love. And they require time we often do not have to remove them.

But we try anyway…

The more your rub at a stain, the deeper it goes into the fabric. You have to add warm water and the right cleaner to get it out. And of course time. Eventually we find a solution and the stain is removed.

But what about our souls?

We go through life and have experiences. And sometimes those experiences leave stains on our souls.

But instead of trying to remove the stains, we leave them to sink into our fabric. And the longer you leave it, the deeper it goes.

Why is that? Why do humans choose to make such a fuss over appearance, the things about us that everyone can see but we fail to try and remove the stains from inside.

I think it is because we spend more time worrying about how we are perceived, rather than looking within ourselves and ensuring our souls stay as pure as God made them.

The higher power did not put the stains there, we did. Yet we blame everything and everyone for everything that is tainted.

I believe that we should all try harder to remove the stains that are there. Because we are apart of something greater, and we all contribute to making the world a more peaceful place

Blossoms of Truth

It rises,
It pushes up from underneath,
Like a struggling plant trying to reach the safety of the sun, so that it can bask in its warmth and safety,
It upsets the calm face that is the soil of my being,

I cover it up
I throw more beliefs at it,
It pauses and stays put for a while,
Then it gains strength from a source deep inside me,

It rises again,
It pushes through the soil of my being and begins to spread its vines,
Then takes root on the deepest recesses of my soul,
I throw more beliefs at it, and it retreats to safety,

I turn my back and smile and continue with life,
It rises,
It spread faster, gaining strength from a source deep inside me,
The blossoms start to pop slowly and fills me with light,

The beauty of truth is so awe inspiring,
It is so vibrant and clear and honest,
But the change fills me with fear,
I attack it,

I kill the blossoms,
I kill the vines,
I throw my beliefs at it, and like poison, it causes it to wither,
And everything is exactly as it once was,

But the source continues to feed it,
And it will keep gaining strength,
It will never die,
Because it is my destiny to know

No Alien Zombies Here

I woke up this morning after yet another night of really strange dreams.

I have strange dreams often, it is like if I didn’t dream something odd at least 4 times a week, I would be worried my mind has been sucked dry by alien zombies that use dreams to power their mother ship.

But last night something stayed with me when I awoke  into this reality. Like someone had ripped a circuit board of sorts out of my brain and suddenly I was not “programmed” anymore.

I do not do Acid, I am not a conspiracy theorist, and the Illuminati thing only makes sense to a certain degree (You have to be Christian or else there is no way that Lady Gaga is insulting you). So no, I do not believe that “They” implanted some microchip into my brain. Or that Facebook is owned by the CIA (If it was is, that is very clever), anyway my life is too boring to bother the CIA.

I think that maybe it was just me creating a methapor by the personal journey that I have been going through the last few days.

Our success is based on our beliefs, and maybe I have finally removed the beliefs that society has implanted in me. The fear, the distrust, the constant thought that “Life is Hard”, everything is a struggle. The belief that you can only be successful if you follow a formula.

On that note, we all watched the Social Network, and lets face it the guy that invented Facebook had no formula for success. His success was due to following an idea, and meeting people along the way that enabled him to do that.

So maybe what we need is just a little bit of Faith. We need to realise that there is a higher power that is all Love. An entity so great that it created the very forces of nature. The life of the bees, the way a plant has its own network that allows it absorb nutrients from elements around it, the beauty of pregnancy.

Some things just are, they exist, they have their own system. We study it and try to explain it but why don’t we just look at it and enjoy the beauty?

I do not want to live my life in fear. Everytime I read the news or watch it on TV, someone is fighting with someone else. Serial Killers, Pheodophiles, Oppresion, Hatred, War, Animal Cruelty. That is our reality.

That is the life that our world has created, because of the beliefs that we have about so many things.

I do not know if it will ever stop until we implode unto ourselves.

What I do know is that I am responsible for my life and my choices, and even though everyone tells me to think, act or believe a certain set of values, I will always choose Faith. I will choose Wonder. I will choose to remember God and all his Love. And even if you hate me for belonging to a religious group that you despise, I will just love you anyway. Because we are all the same, we just make ourselves different.