She was fire Burning bright, fierce and unapologetic Showing off her flames, creating life and causing destruction all at once She believed her force was so powerful that she could never be stopped He was water Calm and cool, his surface like glass so that you believe that you can see through him But his cool surface was just a mirror, showing you whatever you want to see His depths could be beautiful but also perilous and he kept his secrets close She believed that she could be the force that to warm him He believed he was the force that could calm her flames But nature knew better and watched them try and and find a way Watching the ebb and flow or two forces trying to make it work You see nature knew something they did not, Fire needed the wind to fan her flames so that she may continue her journey through the world Water need the earth to hold him close so he could be a source of life for the earth and all her creatures At the end all that was left was the wind blowing through the barren earth Singing a song of all that had been lost
My worst nightmare is the weekday invite. I hate it when people invite me out on a weekday, and while they may be offended my constant refusal, let me explain to the non-parents why this is not an option.
It is a Thursday on Planet Parent.
Officially 1 more night left of being a sub-human.The weekend is near, and I cannot wait.
I hate weekdays. I really hate it.
It is like an endless cycle of doing stuff. The checklist is endless.
Get up after hitting the snooze button 3 times and drag your ass to the shower. And the day’s checklist starts:
- Buy more toothpaste.
- Have another polite conversation with your domestic worker, and ask her to please stop sticking the mysterious blue item in the wash with the white towels.
- Scratch that – buy new towels that are blue. That is easier than loosing the person that lovingly cleans your house. Cleaning yourself is not an option.
- Hatch a plan to buy the wonderful cleaning angel a gift, so she knows I love her.
- Remember to write down the list of stuff to buy for my new exciting dinner recipe!
- Zumba tonight, remember the gym bag
- Toddler needs more clothes at Gran’s, remember bag that was packed yesterday
Shower done! Find something to wear that does not require heels. Heels are the enemy! Changing your shoes when driving wastes about 10-15 minutes of precious time. And who has time to waste?
Realize you have a meeting and now have to wear the evil heels. And so it begins…your day. A day filled with mini events both good and bad.
- Do you hair, as in…. REALLY do your hair, since today you cannot just tie it up – due to the stupid meeting.
- Locate the make up, cover up all dark circles and MAC yourself into a human being.
- Add make up touch up items to your handbag.
- Remove any kiddie items from your handbag, no one needs a repeat of toy monkey falling out in the middle of a presentation.
- Put shoes on toddler
- Deal with toddler tantrum over the fact these are the wrong shoes.
- Take the toddler to pee.
- Calmly tell the toddler that the toilet will not swallow them.
- Distract the toddler with a toy in order to get all items ready for the car.
- Pack the car
- Go back inside to get your precious bundle, and discover that she wants to watch “Barbie and the Secret Door” AGAIN!
- Explain she can watch it at Gran.
- Deal with the tantrum.
- Get tears and boogers all over you dress.
- Grab some wet wipes for damage control before stupid meeting
- Strap toddler in car seat and distract with car toys.
- Sit in traffic for 30 minutes.
- Hand toddler over to your wonderful, fantastic, irreplaceable mum, while thanking God that you have her in your life
- Get asked by toddler: “Why do you have to go to work?”
- Bite your tongue and realize: 3 year old’s do not know what “economy” means.
- Feel guilty about being a working mum. Beat yourself up mentally while you sit in traffic for another 30 mins
- Get to work and get the “look” from the single, polished girls who are judging you for arriving at work so “late”.
- Spend the day rushing between meetings and emails and running a department.
- Try to be as efficient as possible and show no sign of weakness.
- Sneak a few calls to baby and hubby.
- Find my working mum friend and sneak in a bitch session. Feel better that you are not alone
- Rush out the office at 5pm.
- Ignore the looks of annoyance from said single, polished girls
- Get to gym in time for your class.
- Decide you have to cut down on the sugar and carbs.
- Run out the class and rush to fetch toddler.
- Sit in more of the beautiful Jo’burg traffic.
- Deal with toddler deciding Gran’s house is better your house.
- Bribe toddler to come home.
- Sit in…YES YOU GUESSED IT….more f@#king traffic.
- Get to the store that opens till 8pm (Thank God!)
- Find out that the shop does not have the fancy bullshit ingredients, in the fancy bullshit recipe you decided to try. Acknowledge that this was not a good time to become Nigella.
- Use lots of profanity, and then decide to make some pasta.
- Try not to feel guilty that you made pasta again.
- Find comfort in the fact that the toddler enjoyed the store experience.
- Get home and unpack the kid and everything else from the car.
- Get supper on the go.
- Take some time to just love your tiny, little person.
- Feel the relief that comes with hubby arriving home. Feel even more grateful when he takes over babysitting and sets the table.
- Serve dinner and relax
- Enjoy NOT TALKING about your day. Talking about your day is not an option. Leave work at work. Talk about anything else.
- Finally unwind because it is just the 3 of you. Let the stress monster go.
- Bask in your supreme intelligence, over having rejected all weekday dinner invites and eat a chocolate.
Spinning around and around and around
No way to stop,
It may just be a roundabout designed for children
But it feels as if fate controls it,
My heart jumps, my soul laughs,
My heart fears, my soul sighs
Since the night I saw the pain in his gentle eyes,
I knew that this pain would never measure up to the pain that you felt when I shattered your heart.
But I saw it fading,
I felt god’s hand at work, pushing us together again
I made a promise never to hurt you again,
To be what I never allowed myself to be.
A week later
But it seems like an eternity
Three months seem like a lifetime
I come back to the present
We still spinning
He is laughing
We going faster and faster and faster
Sinking deeper and deeper and deeper
We jump off
I look into his eyes, and I see everything that ever mad sense
Yet the situation makes no sense
My heart fears
My heart cries
My heart prays
I ask god why?
Don’t let it end,
Don’t take him away again
He is where I belong
I was destined for great things,
Where better to belong than the Garden of Eden
Respect my beliefs,
Even though they are not your beliefs,
Respect my fears,
Even though you have none, for your fears may be ones I have overcome,
Respect my mind,
My thoughts are mine alone, and they are sacred,
Respect my soul,
For this journey is mine to take
Your journey is yours, and what you are yet to learn, I may have learnt,
Respect my body,
This vessel is the delicate shell that holds my soul,
Respect my touch,
When I touch you, my soul makes my hand move,
My Vessel may be beautiful but as fragile as yours
Respect my friends,
They are the people that help me piece me together whenever love breaks me
Respect my family,
They are closer than blood, they are closer than flesh, their love is pure
My loved ones are not like yours, because my needs are different to yours,
I am different to you,
Respect that I am different to you,
Respect that even though I do not speak about the change,
It does not mean change is not happening,
The only constant in life is change,
Respect that you do not know me,
Let time lead to understanding,
Understanding leads to respect,
People who fight the tide usually drown; it is those that choose to move with the current that land up on desert islands. The reason is that those that fight the tide get tired of threading water. Then again getting swept away by the tide could mean that you could drown anyway, but at least you didn’t die scared and tired.
The thing about life is that you ultimately threading water whether you like it or not. I mean there is no person in the world that can lay claim to never being affected in some way by the struggles that are inherently part of human existence. It is how we choose to deal with these struggles that count.
It is apparent in many facets of our lives. Be it financial debts, ruined relationships, abuse that was put upon them, loneliness, and lack of understanding. The lists of peoples separate pains are infinite. And the most important thing to remember is that your pain is never bigger or more important than someone else’s.
If you are overcoming a death, remember that even though the people in your life have problems that you do not see as important, does not mean that they are not important to them. Everyone’s problems are big because in their realm of existence it is causing distress. Yes they may not understand the magnitude of your feeling but that is because they are not experiencing what you are experiencing.
Have ever looked back at events in your life and thought, I am glad that it turned out that way? That is because those events were meant to turn out like that because it was your destiny. Remember that at any point you can switch from fear to faith. Have faith that the tide will take you exactly where you are meant to be and that the right people will appear in your life at the right time and that you will think just before you die ”Man I glad that it turned out that way”
There are often times when you feel so trapped in your own web of decisions that you feel like there are no doors or windows and that no matter how bad things get you just have to stay.
I often wonder why you get to this point, and I realize it is because your life is based on what society calls consideration. If you choose to just live your life, you will either be immoral or selfish.
All these people that form apart of your life, live their lives based on ideals that have been instilled in them by numerous sources. We all have expectations of each other. You may think that this does not apply to you? Think carefully about what you would like to achieve in life.
Whether it be to raise “good” children, that excel at the system that we have put in place, filled with expectations. Or the relationship that you hope to build with the person who would suit you best, traits that are build on what you believe will make you happy. What about your career, there is certain conduct and job responsibilities that you have to perform in order to get paid and buy the things that make the rest of society think you are successful. It is all about status and comfort. You only have the friends that you have because they can allow you to experience certain moments that you feel are important.
All in all, we are a society build on expectations, rules and guidelines that will govern our happiness forever. Makes me wonder about the term “Free World
I don’t want to let go
I don’t want to move on
I hate the Limbo
I hate the pain
I don’t know why I hold on
I don’t know why I don’t let go
But I Know
That I know why
We don’t like to see
We don’t like to face
We just want to make excuses
We all want to be right
Maybe I love the drama
Maybe I just love you
Maybe I just like the fact that I love you
Maybe I just like the fact that you love me
I know the answers
But I don’t want to open the book and see
I want to live in Limbo just a little longer
Limbo means it’s just you and me
The greatest freedom you can encounter in life is to cut all your labels,
We are often defined by the people in our lives; you are someone’s daughter, someone’s sister/brother, someone’s friend, someone’s partner. And with these labels comes the responsibilities, perceptions, opinions and beliefs that will define you in some way or the other.
If you just cut those labels, you can nothing to no one and that would mean that you would not be defined, and maybe with a lack of a definition you can finally decide who you want to be.
My gripe for today is fairy tales. I have been reading a lot of literature both serious and quirky that suggests that fairy tales are the downfall of the female psyche. This makes an incredible amount of sense. Like a light bulb going on in your head (I don’t do this often, it annoys the voices when I do that) and you realize that you can actually blame your parents for this one. Ok well they pretty innocent in this matter, blame Disney, that horrible chauvinist cult! (Note to my lawyer…sorry I mean attorney, can I write this?)
You see the term a “Happy Ending” has many linguistic meanings when one delves deeper into the matter. Firstly it implies that the beginning and middle is not happy. Secondly what is with the ending bit? Are you telling me that after the princess rides off into the sunset that is the end of your life? With the exception of Princess Fiona, the curvy and rebellious ogre, we rarely see a sequel to a fairy tale. This scares me.
Another thing about Fairy Tales that gets to me is that they insinuate that your life is meaningless unless you meet Prince Charming who will save you from your tedious life. This is why women all over the world still panic when everyone around them are getting married. And we plan these elaborate Fairy Tale weddings with the princess dress and tiara and all the trimmings. (PLEASE NOTE: This is a generalization, and I know there the strong willed types out there that do not conform to these ideals. This is personal opinion)
So here we are, the result of fairy tales, women that have careers, belts, earring, cars, shoes, clothes, bags, investment policies, and the other essentials and we still waiting for someone to save us. Now my burning question is: “What exactly do we need to be saved from?”. The only dragon I saw lately was a crazy big butted woman at the licensing department; she looked like she could breathe fire.
That all said and done, try and convince a little girl that she should give up Barbie and all her princess dress up gear. You will be in for a screaming session of note. We women love the whole ideal. The magic and romance that comes with Fairy Tales is something that is irresistible.
I think we can have the romance and the nice guy, but he does not have to save us. My life is personally far from tedious. I like it most days.
It comes down to a case of self worth, if you believe that you need to be saved you doomed to ride off into the sunset and your glory days will be over once the confetti is being sprinkled as you leave with your Prince Charming.
Rather believe that you are a princess right now and that you rule your kingdom in the fabulous designer gowns and shoes that you purchased with the profits from your growing economy, filled with cheerful citizens and no crime. The process of marriage will simply be a combining of your royal kingdom with his and you can share tips on how increase the agriculture sector and deal with international markets.
It’s all your how you perceive your life. This will define your ultimate success.
My head hurts,
Stop the noise
Please can I have some silence?
I don’t want this chaos
My head hurts
Take away the images
Please can I no longer see?
I don’t want these memories
My head hurts
It won’t stop
The Noise and Images won’t stop
It just streams on and on and on
I said hush!!
But it doesn’t stop
And my head never stops hurting
And I know,
My head hurts because my soul needs someone to talk to
It speaks to my head because my heart won’t listen
My heart has turned its back on me, because I never get it right